the road abroad.: And the question for you is not 'What would Jesus do' but 'Where will you be when the Craig Machine comes partying through!?'

FRASER ISLAND, AUSTRALIA
              The Palace Hostel in Hervey Bay was the best hostel I encountered in Australia so far. It was separated into 8 duplex apartment units with 6 bedrooms in each unit. We shared a full kitchen with our unit and it was so peaceful and civil compared to the savagery in the surfer towns. Lena and I took a quick dip in the sea (only Americans call it an ocean) and we were so excited we had arrived in a part of Australia where you could swim freely! No stingers, no sharks, and no nets to stay between. We lost track of time and made a poor first impression with our Fraser Island group when we arrived late for the briefing.
             Our tour guide, Craig, told us what we could expect while camping and touring with him over the next three days and two nights. We were hasty in booking this trip so we didn’t notice a lot of the fine print. There was no ocean swimming on Fraser Island due to the sharks and strong rip tide. Food wasn’t included so we would have to all go to the supermarket and buy food as a group. There would be no surfing even though the pamphlet showed smiling surfers. We were told not to even bring soap or shampoo- there would be no showering. And we didn’t have the freedom to camp wherever we wanted for the night as promised ‘due to the tides.’ We were pretty deflated before the trip even started.
             I was so frustrated at the supermarket. Have you ever shopped with 11 strangers? This one doesn’t eat onions, that one can’t have ketchup, this one NEEDS fresh lemon in her morning tea, this one prefers the bread that's 4 cents cheaper…it’s a nightmare. I convinced the group to split into threesomes and it worked much better but I had a headache by the time I got home. We made our lunches for the next day and met our two British roommates who had arrived late, Al and Tyser. Tyser is actually from Zimbabwe but went to high school in England for the past four years. I had a good feeling about these girls. We told them everything they needed to know from the briefing and I reassured them that I would wake them at 5:10am for our trip at 6am.
               At 6:25am, tour guide Craig came knocking! I had set the alarm wrong. Another bad impression on the group- that makes two. Craig didn’t mind at all though. I think it’s because they had secretly lied to us- we had so much more time than they led on. We had two safari jeeps and Lena, Tyser, Al and I were assigned to the lead car with Craig. I thought we were for sure being punished for our repeated tardiness. Haha. Turns out he chose us because he thought we were fun. We took the 9am ferry over to Fraser Island and bonded with our easy-going tour guide. He was fun and we were feeling a lot more upbeat about the trip. We had also met a Swiss guy who shall remain nameless. This full-fledged dork came complete with binoculars and annoying commentary on every species we encountered. He eagerly held his hands on his hips when standing in place so we nicknamed him Peter Pan about 10 minutes into the trip. By 10am, we were making our way through the one-lane sand paths of Fraser Island in pursuit of Lake McKenzie. We certainly made use of the seat belts- we were rocking and rolling around the safari jeep! I played the song ‘Craig’ for our tour guide and it immediately became our car’s anthem. It’s a hilarious song by singing comedian, Stephen Lynch, about Jesus’ not-so-famous brother named Craig Christ. He's doesn't turn water into wine (like his brother) but into cold Coors Light instead.  His closing line is 'And the question for you is not 'What would Jesus do' but 'Where will you be when the Craig Machine comes partying through'! Our tour guide loved it and you will too. Check it out.
            It was a little chilly at Lake McKenzie but I did eventually go in the water without Craig throwing me in. Lena was not so lucky. We learned that Fraser Island is the world’s largest sand island! Everything there grows on sand, including the rainforest. It is home to every poisonous snake and spider in Australia. The venom from some of these animals was so powerful that it could kill a person before they could reach medical attention. Oh god. My life would feel so meaningless if I was bitten by a spider and had to take my final breath next to Peter Pan. Ugh.
           Next we hiked through the bush to Lake Wobby, which we found once the path opened up into vast sand dunes. I observed the water while reading a shmutz magazine- sometimes trashy celebrity gossip feels good. We headed back to camp and successfully cooked some dinner in the pop-up camping kitchen. After dinner, I introduced a few games to the group for some nighttime entertainment. Even though it was pouring rain from the sky, we had a great time playing charades. Well my team had a great time. The losing team had to eat a spoonful of vegemite, which they didn’t enjoy. The attached pictures tell more than a thousand words on how that went.
           Sleeping on mats in the large army tents, was pretty uncomfortable and I was happy when it was morning. We made breakfast and lunch at the camp and then hit the road. We passed by a shipwreck on the way to our morning swim in the beautiful Champagne pools. This was the only saltwater we could swim in on Fraser Island. The water crashed over the rocks and collected in small frothy pools. It looked like champagne but did not taste like it. Next, we hiked up Indian Head to the same lookout where the aboriginals spotted Captain Cook and his crew about 300 years earlier. The water was so clear that we were able to spot Mandarays in the water. Peter Pan reassured everyone that they were NOT stingrays. An impressive assessment from 300 feet above sea level. We took some really nice pictures from the top and then headed to Eli Creek, which was a natural lazy river.
            Lena and I had another yummy cookout before joining Craig on a secret mission. We had to take one girl to the ferry since she had to leave early and then we would see different parts of Fraser Island at night. Craig was flying through the sandy dune paths! We had a very rough ride, which was awesome! When we returned to camp two hours later, the rest of the group was very happy to see us. They had spent their evening warding off packs of dingos! The wild dogs were swarming the camp since the group had forgotten to put their food back in the car. They continued to visit our campsite throughout the night but were pretty harmless.
              Craig overslept the next morning and failed to wake Lena and me up for sunrise! We only forgave him because he spared some cinnamon so that I could make French toast for all of us. What a treat. We did a quick walk through the rainforest before spending the rest of our time at Lake McKenzie. I had so many great photos, and even better memories, from my trip to Fraser Island. It completely surpassed expectations! I thank our tour guide, Craig Christ, for that. We were excited for our hot showers when we returned to the Palace hostel. Our group hit a new level of bloatedness during the All You Can Eat Pizza Hut Buffet that night! The three Swedish guys from the group were on a very tight budget and ate minimally while on Fraser Island. They had resorted to canned beans for lunch that day so it’s safe to say that they enjoyed the pizza most.